Moving on

So i have taken a little while to actually figure out what I am doing with myself this year... I think I just needed to get around the idea of it. I have decided that the next step towards recovery is trying to open up. I am always complaining about how hermetic I am about myself sometimes, so I guess trying to actually let people in might help in the process of being able to achieve emotional stability.

I know a lot of people consider me stupid, crazy or skeptical for the decision I have made this year. I guess they think I am just against love. What most of these people don't know is that I value love a lot more than they do. And by doing this, I am trying to make it pure. I don't want to find myself bonded to somebody just because I feel alone, or because I need reassurance. I want to be able to just love. And in order to do that I need to sort myself out first. So I am going to try and be more open about what I feel and why I feel that way.

I know it's gonna be tough though... I have gotten so used to lying about it, or just burying it deep because I don't my friends to get upset, or to judge me... I guess all I have to do is take a leap of faith. Maybe I should just cease my cynicism and believe.

Happy Valentines day.