If I knew I was gonna die soon, I think all I would wanna do before leaving is making a really great movie.

There's this corrosive fear that I have that tells me that I am not supposed to because I wasn't born to do that, I wasn't born an actress. And I am scared that it may be true. Maybe I am not good enough, or pretty enough.

I am really confused with what I am gonna do because there's always that saying you know 'Chase your dreams, don't let fear pull you back'. But what if you fail? What if you were never supposed to chase your dreams? What if you just became obsessed with an idea and masked it as a passion in order to not feel worthless?

I am terrified of going after acting completely because if I fail I have no back door. Or even discovering that I can't act. And I am also terrified of not pursuing it completely, getting a career first and then discovering that acting was what I was supposed to go after and now I am stuck with a job that isn't satisfying.

Maybe I am overthinking this too much but it frustrates me so much to have no answers. Knowing that there are people out there who can act because of their name. They already have a status that can get them jobs and can therefore have an academic career and have the best of both worlds. I don't know what to do.