This is how i feel.

Ok so I'm trynna find a way to start.

You probably won't even read this. Chances are that it won't even reach you and I'm just writing this to myself you know , for therapeutic reasons. I guess I should just say all of this stuff but it helps me write it down, otherwise I stutter and forget, and generally make an idiot of myself. I know you'd probably roll your eyes at me, and I am aware it's only been a week since you.. well.. left. I think I've come to terms with the fact that you're not coming back, ever. I think I'm over the fase where I just lie on the floor hoping that you're still alive and this is just a dream. You know what, I am doing ok, getting there, baby steps. You ever heard about the theory of the multiverse? It says there's a hypothetical set of universes parallel to ours and they contain every possible set of circumstances. It means somewhere there might be a world in which that day something made you change your mind. A world in which you and me can still go through this together. I wonder if you'll remember me, sometimes. I wish you'd talk to me, give me some vague sign that you do remember. Cuz you know what, I'm not doing well. For now life is actually pretty shit. Look at me, I've gone through this whole thing without saying I miss you or I love you. And looking at it objectively, realistically, I'd say that i still do and I'm kind of afraid that I won't ever really stop. I hope they're treating you well up there, cuz I miss you more than ever.

Patty.