I wish I'd value myself more. There are so many things I've done to myself that I regret. And the thing is... I knew they were wrong, but for just a couple of minutes, they made me believe I was worth something. I wonder what I would say to myself if I could see me from the outside. Would I be disappointed? Probably. The truth is... I never felt anything with any of the people I made out with when I was drunk. I didn't. Maybe the fact that I was drunk changed it for them, but it didn't for me.

Drama used to make me feel worth something. And now it's gone. I think about it everyday. I hate myself for not fighting enough for it. And I know that I'm gonna have more chances to pursue it. But I just miss it so badly. It was everything holding me together. It's like a massive piece of me is gone. And without it, I'm not really sure who I am anymore. I hate feeling like this. I look at extraordinary actors who are out there, and I wonder... will i ever be like them? In my world.. being able to just act, that would be the greatest gift anyone can have. Because it doesn't matter what happens, they will continue to inspire people to be great. And that's pretty special.

I guess I'm just a little lost. And that's ok, but I just wanna find my way back.