...

Today was hard. Something that I never imagined could happen, happened. And today is one of those times when I am glad not a lot of people read my blog. Because it's so stupid.

There is this girl in the American School, and I've always thought she was very pretty in a very natural way. And today... I found out she's an actress. She is the girl in Pan's Labirinth. And I had seen that movie before I just didn't recognize her. She's made so many movies, and met so many people. And somehow... when she told me I felt like my heart stopped pounding blood for a second, and my chest felt collapsed. And don't get me wrong, I really admire her, she's gorgeous, and smart, and funny, and very mature. But... I just couldn't help feeling the most devastating jealousy, and sadness for not being able to do what she does. I just saw reflected in her everything I ever wanted and that I have spent so many years wishing, dreaming, praying, crying about.... and I feel so stupid. And frustrated. I can't even describe it with words.