So my dad told me today, that there is a very good chance that we can't afford me going to uni in England... let alone study medicine abroad.

And I feel shattered because I never made the decision to go for that but it was something i had as a very thrilling and exciting option, and that the day at the hospital, it felt amazing.

And I can't do medecine in Spain because I need 3 sciences, and in the ib you can only do two. So I'm kinda screwed here, and I feel upset for being upset. Because I know I can't ask my parents to make such a huge sacrifice, because so far they have been the best, they have given me everything, and they have spent huge amounts of their money on my education, always being there for me. And I know I will get over this and find a new thrill, but for now it really sucks. Because I feel like all that energy thinking about it was wasted. And I am scared that I am never going to be able to find something that gives my life a meaning.

And i know this is a really depressive thought but I can't help it.

I just always thought I would come back to England for uni... in my head that was always the plan. And now that the plan is gone... I'm left with nothing, and insecure and alone. Because I don't wanna sound like a stupid prat.. I know it could be worse.. I know that there are people who can't even afford university at all. And I am afraid I always asked for too much.

And I feel sorry for myself, and I know I shouldnt.

I guess that life is meant for someone else.