So I don't go to church anymore. I haven't felt like I belong in church in a very long time. And I don't blame the church or the people. It just hasn't felt like something I would do because I have faith, but rather a socially acceptable modality that is necessary in any girl who wants to be 'good'.
But I just know too much. I can't believe in the Bible word by word because it was written so many years after the events, it is impossible that they remain intact. I mean I do believe in God, and Jesus. I just don't believe in everything that mankind has to say about them.
And it upsets me sometimes, because faith is a gift, that I have not seemed to have received. And for that reason I don't think that I deserve to go to church. But I just hope that the kind of God I believe in will love me anyway, because there are bad people who go to church as many as there are outside of that community.
I just really hope God will appreciate a good action as much as he would appreciate someone going to church. Because I do wanna do good, and help people... I just can bring myself to attend mass like a full christian.
And I wanna go back to when things were so easy... when you're a kid, you just believe blindly in whatever it is you're told and you give yourself to it in heart and soul, without questioning. But when you grow up you start to question things, and I think a realistic knowledge is good.. but I hate how much it can damage your faith. I wanna come back to being able to believe like that. It seems so simple.


Davies.