Lessons

So today I learned a lesson. I mean nothing great happened, but I just realised something.
So me and my sisters are in London with my mum, and my sister alex kinda has a cold. Of course she passed on to me. And then my friend Emily told us she had a spare ticket to go see Britain's Got Talent. Of course.. I told my sister she should go.. you know I'm kinda sick and I wouldn't enjoy it as much. But then I thought, what the hell, so she gives me a cold and I give her the ticket and on top of that she's gonna still be a jerk. But then I thought.. whenever you do something good no ones gonna be there to tell you it's the right thing, or to praise you.. actually its the other way round.. this world is gonna try absolutely everything to turn you into a selfish monster, to make you believe that you are not good enough being different, that you should think of yourself first first.
Its like my dad.. he is the smallest of 8. And when he was still in uni, he had the worst relationship with his brother Paul, the closest to him by age. As in Paul used to rip apart my dad's notes and drink, and do drugs.. my dad always tried to send him to a psychologist to get help.. but of course he always blew him off. And one day they couldn't find him. My grandad used to have a ship, and in the old days it used to be safe to carry a gun around just in case pirates where near.. so he brought it to Barcelona for a check. That day my dad had a flash and when he checked he noticed that the gun was gone. At the time, in his house they had this little shed where the gardener used to live. He immediately went there and the door was locked. He broke a window.. and saw the person who would have been my uncle, Paul, dead, with his brain all over the floor. He had shot himself. My dad took care of it all so my grandparents didn't have to see it.. but he always blamed himself and has had inumerable nightmares about it. Somehow that's made me respect my dad more.. know that he understands how it is to have a bad relationship with a sibling, and why he always insisted in us trying again. It made me realise he had a life before me. And I am proud of my dad, for being brave, for being good. I really love my dad.
Guess, sometimes you just have to do the right thing, and believe that is enough.
Sometimes I wonder if there is anything absolute anymore. Is there still right and wrong? good and bad? truth and lies? or is everything negotiable, left to interpretation, grey. Sometimes we're forced to bend the truth, tranform it, cause we're faced with things that are not of our own making. And sometimes things simply catch up to us.
Truth is still absolute. Believe that. Even when that truth is hard and cold, and more painful than you've ever imagined. And even when truth is more cruel than any lie.


Davies.