Impossible.

But I see the impossible every day. Impossible is trynna connect in this world trying to hold on others while things are blowing up around you, knowing that whilst you’re speaking, they aren’t just waiting for their turn to talk, they hear you, they feel exactly what you feel at the same time that you feel it,; it’s what i strive for every time i open my mouth, that impossible connection. Not everyday is going to offer us a chance to save somebodys life, but every day offers us an opportunity to affect one.

Cancer

There are these anthems, these inspiring songs, for cancer survivors, but nobody talks about how ugly it is, how tough it is to beat. I have never experienced it myself, but I can only imagine how tough it is.. and I find it so stupid how some people just live away wasting their lives trying to reach some social status, criticising others.... it just doesn't make any sense.

I was in the bus today and at the bus stop in the hospital, this girl got on, and she had no hair but she is the prettiest girl I have ever seen. Her mother was explaining to her how she has to take her meds and when the next chemo will be. Her skin was pale, and her eyes looked shiny and bright. And I just thought... life is short, and there's this inevitability of being sick... I was so inspired to be in the presence of such strength. I want my life to mean something, believe in something greater. I don't think people are great despite the obstacles, they're great because of them.

MCR 2

So I can't stop thinking about the significance this concert had on me. I think.... I have just now become a teenager. They made me realise that perfect is overrated. For the first time in many many years I feel accepted. Thanks to them I really couldn't care less about my clothes, or my hair (and believe me, for me this is truly a big statement). Everyone seems to have this image of beauty and perfection..... and let me tell you this : ITS BULLSHIT.

I feel sorry for people who through life trying to attain it, never being good enough. Guess what, we're humans... we are born imperfect. And if people tried to care less about what other people look like, the world would be a better place. I don't wear public figures on my t shirts because I want to get spit on, I wear them because I like the band, because I believe that a band and an audience can be immortal through rock'n'roll, even if just for one night. The power of believing in something. Being a survivor, running away in a positive way, leaving home in order to come back.

Hey, girls, you're beautiful.
Don't look at those stupid magazines
with sticklike models.
Eat healthy and excercise That's all.
Don't let anyone tell you you're not good enough.
You're too good.
Love your family with all your heart and listen to it.
You are gorgeous, whether you're a size three or fourteen.
It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside as long as you're a good person
As long as you respect others
I know it's been told hundreds of times before
But it's true
Hey, girls, you're beautiful.

-Gerard Way

MCR

I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone.

Yesterday at My Chemical Romance's concert I felt so inspired by the band... but especially Gerard Way. I read his biography and watched some interviews.. and I think he gave me hope. You know really made me see that it really doesn't matter who you are in high school... and it's okay to be different. As long as you don't hurt anyone, it's okay to allow yourself to feel everything. In a way now I feel like the future is really unpredictable, and it doesn't really matter how you have been raised because you can always do better than that, you don't have to make the same mistakes.

Challenge?

I think one of the reasons why I love movies so much is because they are one of the only things that make me believe that love still exists. That there are still people who are good, and honest, and there are still people who are able to rise above and give hope to others. Believing these things is what keeps me there, holding on.

I want to find a challenge, something great that I can do, that may help me get back the confidence in myself. I know that if I don't get it back, I am never going to know what it's like to be completely happy.

Fire.

Have some fire. Be unstoppable. Be a force of nature. Be better than anyone here. And don't give a damn what anyone thinks. There are no teams here, no buddies. You're on your own. Be on your own.

If I knew I was gonna die soon, I think all I would wanna do before leaving is making a really great movie.

There's this corrosive fear that I have that tells me that I am not supposed to because I wasn't born to do that, I wasn't born an actress. And I am scared that it may be true. Maybe I am not good enough, or pretty enough.

I am really confused with what I am gonna do because there's always that saying you know 'Chase your dreams, don't let fear pull you back'. But what if you fail? What if you were never supposed to chase your dreams? What if you just became obsessed with an idea and masked it as a passion in order to not feel worthless?

I am terrified of going after acting completely because if I fail I have no back door. Or even discovering that I can't act. And I am also terrified of not pursuing it completely, getting a career first and then discovering that acting was what I was supposed to go after and now I am stuck with a job that isn't satisfying.

Maybe I am overthinking this too much but it frustrates me so much to have no answers. Knowing that there are people out there who can act because of their name. They already have a status that can get them jobs and can therefore have an academic career and have the best of both worlds. I don't know what to do.